I'm That One....

...that awkward mom.

The one you never really know how to respond to. The one who blurts out something random and your only response is to slightly grin while you look away in hopes she'll leave you alone. Yup. That's me. I've crossed over.

It's like I hear these words leaving my mouth while simultaneously wanting to slap myself to make me shut up.

I wasn't always this way ya know. Oh no. I was quasi cool. Funny. Some might even venture to say skinny. I had a few things going for me. One being that I could blend if I wanted to, but I could also stand out. In a way that made people laugh with me, not snicker as I walk away.

What's wrong with me? They more than likely didn't even notice that I'm still in my sweatpants because I woke up late and threw everyone in the truck to get my oldest to school on time. They didn't notice, but I brought it to their attention because that's what Awkward Mom does. She tells you why she looks like she bathed in baby food and used cooking oil.

At this point it doesn't really matter. My daughter is only four and doesn't realize how inconceivably gauche her poor mother is.

Don't get me wrong. I love my life. I'm incredibly blessed in a number of areas. It's just that I have very recently had this...er....epiphany of sorts. And I do have an elite few friends who see how blisteringly hilarious I truly am. And I can look decent when given sufficient time to camouflage the effects of birthing three perfect human beings (you're welcome America.) I have a husband who, is either the world's greatest liar, or truly believes he is married to the hottest giant of a woman alive today. So, with that being said...

I would LOVE to be one of those fashionable moms who all the other moms wistfully stare at and daydream of being. (Or maybe I'm the only one who does that.)

But I'm not. Fashionable, that is.

I'm a mousy brown haired, slightly overweight, don't always get to brush my teeth before noon, mother of three.

You wouldn't notice me in a crowd, that is until I make everyone feel weird with my sloppy attempt at witty banter.

The ONLY reason I'm writing this for anyone to see, is that I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Blended. So in these moments when I want to be noticed for something other than a greasy ponytail, I have to remember: I'm not alone.

What I am, is privileged. Privileged to get to see every growing moment of my children's lives. To have the memories that some moms don't get to make do to uncontrollable circumstances in their lives. I may only be in three of the pictures that get taken in the next twenty years, but we'll all know I was there when we look at them in thirty.

Alright. It's late. I'm gonna go blend into my pillow.

Why Magic Mike Excites Me

Disclaimer: this may or may not tick you off. I am in no way judging anyone so calm down a notch. I have no stones to throw nor the right to do so. I'm just stating what's on my heart.

Okay (deep breath) here goes....

Would I like to go watch very attractive men dance around half naked?

Yep. I'd probably like it a lot.

But in ten years if my daughter brings it home on red box, would I like THAT?

Nope. Not at all.

It's a bit of a double standard how we, as mothers, would freak if we found a playboy under our sons mattress, but parade around FB and our houses chanting 'Girls Night! Magic Mike! Girls Night! Magic Mike!'

Another point is how some of the same women who find it so shameful/disgusting/pig headed for men to go to strip clubs, think its perfectly fine to watch a male strip club via the big screen.

I would feel so belittled if my husband were to flaunt how he was about to have a guys night and go to see the latest movie where skin and boobs abound. Why do we not think this scenario has the same effect on our men?

It's a conviction I'm sharing. Do I think you're a bad person if you go see it? Nope. So once again, calm down. But if you're convicted or at least think about it, I'm glad.

It's when we reach the point of no conviction, that we're in serious trouble.

Peace out, try not to be too mad at me. I really do like you people :)

Jump

2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self discipline.

I hate fear.

I don't remember when it was, but not to long ago I was given a revelation from the Holy Ghost.

I was letting the spirit of fear roll me around like a pill bug when it hit me. Just a thought: you were never afraid of everyday things when you were out gallivanting around. You weren't living in fear when you got into cars with morons and such, or when you made really really really bad decisions. Why now. Why, when you are serving Me, are you suddenly afraid of a trip to the grocery store? It's dumb, really. Think about it.

So now I talk to myself. Out loud. I tell myself how ridiculous it is to live life that way. I think about the legacy I want to leave behind. I don't want it to be a legacy of fear and SELF preservation. I'm helping no one that way, least of all myself and family.

My Pastor believes that the fall of man happened in Gen 3:10 He replied, "I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked."

Whether you agree with that or not at least consider this: God was walking in the garden knowing everything that had taken place and could have intervened the moment they both bit the fruit. But He didn't give them any consequence until after they had admitted that they were afraid.

Fear is a wall. A wall that keeps us out. Or in. It keeps us from anything and everything. When we experience fear, it's impossible to experience any other emotion at that moment.

When I was little and would want to jump off of something into my Dad's arms, my trust in him always outweighed my fears. If I was afraid even for a second, all I had to do was remember how big and strong he was, but more importantly, how much he loved me. And I'd jump. He was, and still is, a good daddy. Now I realize not everyone has a good daddy, but they do exist.

Life in Christ hasn't made my life any easier, and fear still tries to creep in daily. But now I have something to hold onto. Some say Christianity is a crutch, I can deal with that. I've tried walking alone, it sucks. Life in Christ means I don't walk alone, ever. If that's a crutch, I will proudly lean on it.

Leap into the bible. What's it gonna hurt? What are we afraid of? I would suggest starting in the New Testament.

1...2...3...Go

Thankful: Part 1 of Infinity

I saw a sunset, smelled something dead, smelled some honeysuckles, thought some things, waved at people, and had a dandy of a time.

I'm pretty sure my moms bike was set to 'insanity.' It was a bike ride, but it was some work, to say the least.

I initially left trying to catch my Aunt Judy on her bike, but alas, ne'er caught up to her. I was fine with that. I would have loved to get to chat with her without the girls climbing literally on top of her. They love some Aunt Judy....you have no idea. My fear is that she will secretly loathe seeing them. I can only imagine that they bug the snot out of her. But she's one of my favorite people and an all around great gal, so she'd never say if they did.

Back to the bike ride.....

I wish I could tell you I gained some sort of great wisdom on this short but wonderful venture into this small neighborhood, but no such thing happened. I just rode around. By myself. In the quiet. Alone.

I was, however, reminded to chill out and brace yourselves for a cheesy cliche enJOY the small things. Like a bike ride.....maybe not the smell two streets down.

I'm still having to remind myself to be thankful for such things. To view them as gifts from a heavenly Father who enjoys watching His children enjoy themselves. I'm learning to be grateful, thankful, thoughtful, of everyday things. Today I am thankful for:

A very orange, very large sun to look at as I ride

Loud, small birds

Little boys learning how to shoot hoops with their dad

Pawpaws that are willing to babysit

Alone time

Sweaty, napping babies

Pony tail holders

A Father that keeps giving me gifts, day after day

I like this idea. This idea of blogging writing down periodically the things I don't ordinarily consider 'gifts.' Whether or not theses things get read or not. Just writing/typing these gifts down makes me conscious of all I truly have and how much more I have to be thankful for.

......or maybe that was myself I was smelling......

A Shorty

When the [uncompromisingly] righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; but when the wicked man rules, the people groan and sigh. (Proverbs 29:2 AMP)

To me this speaks volumes. Obviously a good king makes for happy people, but I believe this can also be applied to parenting.

When parents are uncompromisingly righteous, their children rejoice. Nuff said. As a king rules over a kingdom, so parents rule over their children. We need to grab hold of this promise, that as we learn to live a righteous life, with the help of the Holy Spirit (John 15:27), we are promised good things. Such as: happy children.

Always Love

1 Peter 4:8 '...love covers a multitude of sins.'

Thank God. I don't even like to think about where I'd be if it weren't for Jesus' sacrifice. His amazing love and forgiveness is what gets me through each day still sane. His Holy Spirit is why I'm able to sleep peacefully at night. I love you Abba Father, thank You, thank You, thank You for sending Your one and only Son to die for my sins, so that I can live again with You one day. And thank You for reminding me daily that 'he who is forgiven much, loves much.' Because You first loved, I can love. Because You first forgave, I can forgive. What a gift.

I'm Not Old

I don't mind getting older. In fact, I look forward to it. It seems to me that I get better as I get older. I'm less judgmental, more patient, and less naive about life in general. It bothers some of my friends when they are called 'ma'am.' Doesn't bother me. My only thought is 'their parents raised them to be respectful.' Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained by living a godly life. (Proverbs 16:31 NLT) the Bible speaks highly of growing old. My parents have never made growing old a negative thing and I very much appreciate that. We (the human race) tend to whine and gripe about entirely to much. Be grateful for every birthday you get. Life is a gift. Yours is just as precious as any baby or teenager. be just turned 29 in April and am very much looking forward to my last year in my twenties. God has been really good to me in my life, but a lot of awesome changes happened in the last ten years. I'm glad to see what He does for my thirties.

Random 'funness'

Some random thoughts from yours truly:

1. I love alligators. I'm not a creeper who wants one as a pet or anything. They just fascinate me.

2. I don't like pushing the same button twice in one use on the microwave. Don't ask cuz I don't know.

3. It bugs the snot outta me when people don't push in their chairs when they get up.

4. When asked, I tell people I'm 5'11" even though I'm technically 5'10 3/4" But I've been told many times by many men that I 'must be six foot because (they're) six foot!' No you're really really not. Own your height dude, just own it and move on.

5. I want a clock in every room in my house. Most of the time I don't care what time it is, but when I want to know, I want to know dadblamitt!

6. Rocking chairs=awesomeness

7. I bought a hat this past winter that I now have a relationship with. I love it that much.

8. I love a good loofa.

9. Why do we (women) never feel that we have enough candles or lotion? Really ladies, we need to stop this nonsense.

10. I'm truly and intensely curious how the word 'Caribbean' is really pronounced.

11. I have this friend who texts me and asks me to sing her a song every now and then. What she doesn't know is that it's a huge self esteem booster for me. Sounds silly but it's true.

12. Who invented GB casserole? I wanna kiss em. On the face.

13. I'm pretty sure carrying every bag of groceries in at one time is used in some parts of the world as a form of torture.

14. Supposebly is not a word. Neither is libary. Stop it.

15. If you throw out french fries in the yard and after 24 hrs not even ants go near them, we really shouldn't be consuming this crap.

16. Tom Cruise is good looking and creepy all at once. It's baffling really.

Why Do We Torture Ourselves?

Hebrews 10:25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. KJV

God never intended us to do this alone.

Definition of ALONE
1: separated from others : isolated

'Alone time' is nice. Isolation is torture.

The invention of social networks and such stems from a worldwide desire to connect with other human beings. Before texting or email, there was always a form of letter writing. We want contact with others.

So why, as Christians, do some me feel the need to isolate ourselves? For me personally it's fear of being too needy, getting on peoples nerves, or even seeming whiny. Whining is an all time pet peeve of mine, so I really don't want to come across as whiny.

But like a moron I let it get to the isolation point and I make myself miserable, all for fear of what people might think of me if I dare ask for help/companionship. Even in the smallest way.

Other verses we can slap ourselves in the face with are:

Genesis 2:18 ESV
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
This is of course talking about marriage, but you get where I'm going with this.

Proverbs 18:1 ESV
Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.
Ouch. I don't want to be one to break out from sound judgment.

John 3:16 ESV
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."
The best gift Almighty God gave us, was a companion, a Savior that we could call 'friend.'

Acts 2:1-47 ESV
'When the day of Pentecost arrived, they were all together in one place. And suddenly there came from heaven a sound like a mighty rushing wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting. And divided tongues as of fire appeared to them and rested on each one of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit gave them utterance. Now there were dwelling in Jerusalem Jews, devout men from every nation under heaven....'
Crazy awesome stuff happens when we come together with a common goal.

As far as seeming too needy/whiny when asking for something, I can always rely on the Holy Spirit to keep me in check on that issue.

Example:
Right after I had my third child, I was sitting in my bed whining to God (because I wouldn't dare whine to another person) about how tired I was emotionally and physically. I stopped for a millisecond and heard a still, small voice say 'Stop whining and grow up.' I'm serious. He got pretty stern with me. I sat up straight (I was all hunched over in whine mode) and thought 'Yea, I probably should.' And I now have that always in my spirit whenever I start talking to a friend about something that's bothering me. If I feel the need to 'vent,' I say what I have to say, and that's that. I don't harp on it for the next three conversations I have that day. When I vent, I hope to find a solution to what ails me, if there is one.

Companionship is especially, from what I gather, vital to us womenfolk. For the most part, we are the talkers...for the most part. I love a friendship where both parties can keep one another in line without one or the other getting offended.

So remember:

WE WERE NEVER MEANT TO DO THIS ALONE.

Have a nice 'whine free' week, full of fellowship, folks.

Sometimes I Need Reminders

1 Thess 5:18 In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. KJV

I was driving. And, maybe it's wrong, but the rear view mirror's purpose in my truck, is to view the occupants of the back seat. I can't be the only one. The four year old and the two and a half year old are holding hands. I melt. They then proceed to whisper something silly that makes both of them throw their different colored heads back and laugh hysterically.

I can't help but be pulled back to the 1980's. We shared jackets, as in wearing them at the same time. We played ridiculously awesome bedtime games. She fixed my hair for me even though it was not the same length/color/texture as her own. 'Meak Arms.' We fought over who the remaining My Little Pony belonged to (the purple one was definitely mine, thank you very much.) I could seriously go on and on. And then I could go even further because I have two younger sisters as well.

So when I look and see my two daughters sitting on my mothers couch holding hands and saying an unprompted prayer of thanks, all I can do is stare in wonder and give my own thanks to my heavenly Father that I have been blessed. Blessed to be their mother. Blessed to watch them grow and learn. Blessed to have these same memories with my sisters.

In these prayers of thanks, I've learned that my life is so much more than I've seen it to be. I've always been thankful for my blessings. For the things we know to be thankful for. But life is the little things. So when I start to thank Him for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, I begin to realize that He is in the little things. Like two tiny sisters holding hands. Or the fat rolls on my 6 month old. And my husband's very manly beard. I'm blessed beyond comprehension. But I gain understanding each time I say 'Thank You, God, for....'

It doesn't have to be this grand gesture of sorts. When you tell the cashier thank you, and genuinely mean it, it's not this huge thing that the entire store will hear and see. We talk about how prayer is JUST a conversation with God. But for me, I don't take that to heart in my prayer time. I always seem to talk to Him with reservation. Like He's behind this big desk waiting for this particular appointment to be over with so He can move on with His day like God had 'days.' And then I'm reminded 'pray without ceasing.' Converse without ceasing. When our human minds run out of things to talk about, we can always find something to say 'thank you' for.

Anywho.

Giving thanks is what opens our eyes to a world of 'happy.' We begin to thank God that we can walk, instead of complaining how we wish our legs were thinner/muscular/more tan. We thank Him for food, instead of being upset that what we're eating doesn't fulfill our craving at the moment. For a house, instead of being mad that we have to clean it.

I know how hard life can be. I in no way to claim to have it as hard as some do. I'm not saying sadness is a sign of ingratitude. Sadness can be an intense and very real emotion. What I'm going through right now causes me great sadness, so being thankful for the little things, is like a little bit of pain killer.

For some reason we think that we have to be super spiritual in our thanksgiving. That if we don't mention the 'big' things then we are not truly grateful for them. But I believe every opportunity is one to give thanks. Let me show you.

Thank You God for:

My new orange pants
Pony tail holders
Honey mustard
Flip flops
Toddler laughs
Fuzzy headed baby
The ability to read and write
Ice water
Nail polish
Photos
Peveface
Couch pillows.....

If you enjoy it even slightly, it's something to be thankful for. I'm learning to be still, and be thankful. It's a much better way to live while we're here. This life is difficult, harder for some more than others. But I still believe there is always something to be thankful for. I have to.

Lessons From Lauren

Lauren is the most persistent child I have ever met. If I don't acknowledge her questions/comments/requests within the first millisecond, she will repeat herself 38 times. Or when she wants me to watch her do something, if I'm not looking directly at her at the very moment she glances up at me I hear 'Mom! Look!'

It's funny. I can't convince her that I've seen her do it a thousand times. Or that I almost always will refill her cereal or find her shoes that match her favorite dress even if it's not in what she considers a 'timely manner.'

She is my first born. I cherish my time with her.

We are completely different personalities. I can already see glimpses of a neatly organized, maybe slightly bossy, affectionate, wonderful young woman in the making. She is such a sweet big sister, and is mostly pretty amiable.

She teaches me many many life lessons, but the one I'm thinking of at this moment is: Persistence. She teaches me to be persistent in parenting. To not give up on myself as a mother. As most four year olds she can be as happy as can be moments after being mad as a hornet, and for this I am grateful. Because even after she has to go sit on her bed for five minutes because she thinks the rules are optional, she will still come 'give me loves.'

From this I'm reminded that when disciplined by my Father, I can always still love on Him. Because his discipline comes from a love for me, not from disdain for an unruly (although grown) child.

He loves me. I may need a time out every now and then, but He never hates me. And like my four year old, I desire His attention in my life like I never have before. I want to know he listens to things I won't even say. I want to know He sees me when I dance for Him. I want to be reassured of His love for me, more than a few times a day. And the more I look, and the more thankful I am, I start to see these reassurances all around me. Being a mother has taught me so much about the love of the Father.

So friends, if you give good gifts to your kids because you love them, imagine the gifts our Father wants to give us, all because He loves us. His kids.

He hears our inaudible cries for attention. He wants fellowship with us. Even when we mess up, we are still His children, made in His image, and He wants us. Always.

So take a lesson from Lauren: Keep asking and seeking. Even if you don't get the response you want right away, one will come.

'Finishing Is Better Than Starting'

Ecclesiastes 7:8 Finishing is better than starting. Patience is better than pride. NLT

There are days where I am so proud of myself for how patient I am with my children. And then there are days like today.

Days like today make me think that my 'good' days aren't very productive. They make me think that the difficult days are the test of my true level of patience. I barely passed today. I yelled a lot today. I hate yelling. I especially hate it when I yell. It's prideful, can be hurtful, and I just don't like doing it. And it's mostly a result of me not being patient. The yelling started today as a result of one of the chirren putting another in harms way, and I just didn't make myself stop right away. I eventually caught hold of my tone, but hated myself afterward.

I often wonder how my mom did it. I have mostly great memories of my childhood. An even tempered mother, who took it day by day with eight children. I feel like I don't measure up to her in any way.

But I'm not raising her kids. I'm raising mine.

I'm raising (with the much needed help of the Holy Spirit) the most precious humans I've ever come in contact with. Do they push their five month old little brother out of his chair? Yes. Do they manage to get even the tiniest amount of play-dough strewn across a fairly large living room? Yes. Do they start asking for something even though I'm not even finished fulfilling their last 427 requests? Most definitely.

But I signed up for this blindly I might add. And I'm not sure most people would sign up for parenting if they knew what was truly in store. But the beauty of it all is that I completely believe that this learning experience, this day to day struggle to be a better person, this realization that life is, more often than not, not about me, is that I not only get to help bring up three (probably more) amazing creatures one of which is still roaming around way after her bed time but I also get to learn how to be a better mother/Christ follower/wife/sister/friend. With every test of patience, and there are oh so many in a single day, a little bit of selfish flesh is stripped away to reveal a better me.

I know I'm not writing anything new to the world. But these experiences I've had in the last four years are so new to me, as are the revelations they bring. We don't have to pray to be more patient, we will have patient building exercises for the rest of our lives. We have to pray we retain the lessons we learn from them, pass or fail.

We must finish. We must learn to put patience before pride. We must do this for not only our offspring, but to become the being that our Father first intended us to be.

So don't pray for patience, we're going to learn it or we're not, it's up to us.

Pray for the strength to finish.

Galatians 5:22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. NLT

A Merry Heart.....

Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.

I put 'does happiness heal' in the search engine and found this on sciencedaily.com:

"Happiness Improves Health and Lengthens Life, Review Finds
ScienceDaily (Mar. 1, 2011) — A review of more than 160 studies of human and animal subjects has found "clear and compelling evidence" that -- all else being equal -- happy people tend to live longer and experience better health than their unhappy peers."

Duh...

Here's another fact for ya: I don't generally like to be around perpetually unhappy people.

I get that there is a time to be happy, and a time to be sad, and a time to be serious and etc....but when someone chooses to be crabby all the time about almost everything they talk about, I'll most likely avoid them.

I don't walk around with a smile constantly on my face, or laugh all day long, but I genuinely enjoy being happy.

Let's learn to enjoy life. Read a funny book. If you're reading this you must have some occasional internet access, go search and read an uplifting blog. Laugh with your kids, friends, family. Be corny. I love being corny. Spend some time alone and remember loved ones you've lost and the great memories they left you. Quit thinking about what you don't have and be thankful, or at least content, with what you do have.

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. Oh...and for future reference, I want to let you know that I joke a lot. So while I'm serious about the business of being happy, I'm also a jokester and like to make people laugh. So try to find the humor in most (not all) of the things I write about.

Have a nice day/night.